Parenting in the age of Caitlyn
These are interesting days we parent in. As a children’s pastor and mother to a teenager daughter and preteen son, I often find myself wondering how best to journey through the twists and turns of our media-saturated days. A scantily clad Caitlyn Jenner (before transition Caitlyn was known by many as Olympian Bruce Jenner) bombarded my Facebook feed, news headlines, and radio programs on Monday. It has led me to consider as a Christian mom, what exactly does it mean to parent in the age of Caitlyn Jenner? I have never been one to advocate the ‘duck and cover’ approach to parenting. Rather, I would like to suggest that there are at least three topics that the prominence of Caitlyn Jenner gives Christian parents the opportunity to discuss with their children:
1. Love one another. Love your neighbour. Love yourself. Love your enemies. The greatest of these is love. Love never fails. God is love.
In case you haven’t been paying attention to the central theme of the scriptures, this may be the perfect week to revisit it with your children. Above all things, our role as parents is not only to love our children, but to direct them in the practice of abounding love. So if I may be so bold, Caitlyn Jenner provides us a most excellent opportunity to model just such a practice. To love someone means to be patient with them, to be kind to them, to ensure that we protect them from harm. To love someone includes using the name they want to be called and the pronouns they prefer. To love someone means acknowledging their presence. To love someone means to step toward them. This requires nothing of my beliefs, nothing of my integrity, and nothing of my morals. It requires only love.
2. Identity is a confusing notion whenever we separate our identity from Christ.
Identity is typically used in our culture to determine who is in and who is out. If you spend an exceptional amount of time grooming your beard, have retro style glasses, wear Birkenstocks, ride your bike as transportation all while eating hemp seed granola, there is a high probability that you will be identified as a hipster. If you drive a minivan with a variety of stick figures on the back window, find yourself eating quick meals out of Tupperware on the way to soccer practice, all while returning texts and emails on your smart phone at a pace that astounds your coworkers, the chances are some may identify you as a soccer mom.
Gender identity is known to be at play from a very young age. Children in their toddler years are working hard to understand the social constructs that categorize boys and girls, mommies and daddies, male and female. Who is in, and who is out? Yet identity was never intended to be framed in such a way. Identity is not about who is in and who is out. It will always fall short as it attempts to answer “who are you?” Rather, in Christ, our identity is intended to address the issue of “whose are you?”
Caitlyn Jenner has ushered a wonderful conversation right onto your dinner table tonight. Whose are you? For the Christian parent, part of the work before us is to constantly be reminding our child that they are beautifully and wonderfully made – and their identity is in knowing they are a child of God. They are not identified by their religion, by their gender, or by their social status (Galatians 3: 28), rather our children will know true identity freedom when they are identified as one who is in Christ.
3. God does not see us as the world sees us.
In the media driven culture of quick sound-bites, status updates, and attention grabbing headlines, it can be difficult to remember that God knows us. The true us. Completely. There is nowhere to hide from God, no mask to adorn to impress God, and no posture to assume that entices God. What we are is plain to God.
This week’s magazine cover of Caitlyn Jenner invites parents to engage their children in a discussion around the things our culture views as important. Sadly, when it comes to women, the value remains largely placed on image. Sensuality. Glamour. Perfection. Fashion. Cleavage. Somehow in achieving all these worldly targets, Caitlyn has won over the affection of the masses. Many heralded the cover as a bold step forward for humanity. I find it hard to see it as anything but a step toward the skin-deep sexuality which traps and continues to enslave girls and women around the globe.
Yet, God does not see us as the world sees us. God does not assign value to our image – rather our value is reflected in His image imprinted on us. God’s view is not limited to the one we create for others to see on days when we feel most presentable. God created our inmost being. We are nothing if not known by Him. God does not assign value to us based on our behaviour, morality, or personal holiness. Rather, thankfully, God has assigned Christ’s value to us when He redeemed us through the life, death and resurrection of His Son. Regardless of who we think we are, who others think we are, or who we wish we could be – God knows who we truly are.
The parenting journey provides many opportunities to connect in conversation with my children, engage in their experiences as human beings, and to continually invite them to lead a life of godliness marked by love, grace, and joy. I don’t want to miss out on any of it by fearfully withdrawing or avoiding the context in which we live. I choose, therefore, to intentionally grow our children in the practices of love, to be identified in Christ, and to know the One who knows us truly. I choose to believe that is good parenting no matter what age we are in.
“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Deuteronomy 6: 6&7 NIV