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"I don't want others at church to know about this.  I can't handle a lot of attention or bother right now."

These words are commonly spoken to pastors sitting with those who are unwell, bereaved, hurt, or facing difficult diagnoses or losses.  In a time when need is high, and when the faith community typically rallies around with love, those very expressions of love can sometimes overwhelm a person who is walking a difficult path.  

So then, how can we best participate in the loving care of others in our community? Here are a few thoughts you may find helpful:

  • Pray, first from a distance.  When the emotional or physical weight of difficult circumstances hits, it is a treasure to know that others are praying.  Prayers offered from a distance, through text, email, or in a greeting card are powerful and meaningful.  They can be read when one has time, and they don't require someone who is low on energy to spend their reserves.  Of course some are called to pray much closer.  The scriptures speak of a closeness that is achieved through the laying on of hands and the annointing of oil.  Still it is important to note that the Bible also teaches that intimate prayer for those who are suffering is upon request, and should not be assumed as a welcome offering. Prayer whether near or distant is always powerful when prayed in faith.  Refer to James 5:13 - 15.
  • Pour in, dump out. We need to attend first to the needs of the one who requires care.  These folks will be surrounded by a number of different social spheres, moving outward in concentric circles.  These spheres may include a partner, family, close friends, friends, coworkers, small group members, service groups, the wider church body, the wider community.  When we are caring in a wise and loving way, we will ensure that those in a closer social sphere than us are on the receiving end of our care.  We may also need  care ourselves, as it is difficult to support others we love.  In this case, we are wise to "dump" out our feelings or needs to those who are socially further from the primary person receiving care.  Refer to the Ring Theorgy of Care
  • When invited, listen. If you are among those close to someone needing care and have been invited to be a loving presence, it can be tempting to fill the difficult spaces with words.  Resist.  Your non-anxious presence is more than enough.  We learned recently at the VISTA Mental Health conference that "Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they're almost indistinguishable." (David Augsberger).  As we seek to love others well in their difficult spaces, we are wise to learn to listen.  We can show we are not afraid to sit quietly in the dark, if only to let our presence be a reminder that there is still light in this world. 
  • Two things can be true.  God can be good AND this can suck. In caregiving, our role is not to distract anyone from their situation through positive thinking.  We are not faithless when we acknowledge the difficult circumstances we navigate.  We can be hard pressed AND by faith we are not without hope.  Allow room in all your interactions for the full and honest expression of emotions and fears AND hold out a hope that is always welcome in those spaces. 
  • Coordinate your care.   Pragmatic expressions of care are absolutely helpful.  These offerings are even more helpful when coordinated by one person so as not to overwhelm anyone requiring care with the management of a calendar or fridge capacity.  As you consider how you might be able to help, consider coordinating with others.  Maybe you can provide a professional house cleaner for a week.  Maybe you can shuttle kids to and from activities.  Maybe you can make soup, or bake muffins that can be added to the church freezer in a container that does not need to be returned.  If these, or other ways to love someone are on your radar, consider reaching out to the church office to see if there is someone you can connect with who is already coordinating care for an individual.   Or perhaps, you are willing to take on that coordinating role for others.  In either case, the hope is that our helping is done in a way it is easily received.
  • Learn more about caregiving.  There are some amazing resources available that may help you as you help others.  Some that we are quick to recommend are:

If you are interested in serving on our pastoral care team, please let Pastor Rob know.  We love to enable our community in caring for one another, and in this way remain in the True Vine of Jesus.